Focused Business Action

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A month ago I wrote about looking back to what was great in 2008 . Now, it’s time to look ahead to making 2009 a year that’s oh, so fine. (I know that’s a little hokey. I guess I’m in a joyful mood because it’s New Year’s Eve.)

It’s that time of year when many of us focus on making New Year’s resolutions. Often these resolutions don’t stick because we forget why we made them in the first place. It becomes a task we are striving for, rather than a thrilling activity that fulfills a deep desire and brings us personal satisfaction.

To deepen my commitment, at the end of each year I write a letter to myself describing what I want to do and be during the upcoming year.  I’d like to share this Success Letter with you. Your reading it will help make this vision even more palpable and support me in creating a 2009 that fulfills my values of freedom, contribution, and connection.

Here’s a link to my 2009 Success Letter , and the instructions are below for those of you who want to write your own . Feel free to email me your Success Letter and I’ll respond with some helpful hints to guide you in creating a divine 2009.

Success Letter Instructions

The success letter is dated one year from today and begins with the words, "Dear (your name), I am successful today because…" In this letter you will describe in as much vivid detail as you can, the story of what happened to you in the last year that is in line with your success. This letter describes what you will be taking on during the next year, a letter of what you are to become.

How long should this letter be? Any length will do, as long as it is not a short novel. How long should you work on it? You are to work on this letter only as long as you are enjoying writing it and not a second longer.

In writing this letter, you are to place yourself in the future, looking back, and to report on all the insights you acquired and milestones you attained during the year as if those accomplishments were already in the past. Everything is to be written in the past tense. Phrases such as "I will", "I hope", or "I intend" will not appear. You may, if you wish, mention specific goals you reached. Please also mention how you brilliantly and compassionately overcame what got in your way or what hindered you from moving forward.

What is especially important is to write about the person you will have become by the next year. Include the attitude, feelings, and worldview of that person who will have done all she wished to do or become everything he wanted to be. I want you to fall passionately in love with the person you are describing in your letter because that person is you, the person you will become over the next year.

How’s that for powerful?!?

Would you agree with me that we more often regret the decisions we have made not to do something than the decisions we made to do something? Think about it. What decisions have you made not to do something that would have been a memorable moment?

Here’s an example:

I occasionally go to an acting class here in Tucson. I’m not all that interested in being a professional actor, but it’s fun and helps me to be more present when I lead workshops. One week we were doing our usual warm-up exercises when a group of young teens walked through our space who were coming back from a hike. We invited them to join us, but only one of them agreed. The rest stood at the side of the class and watched. The kid that did participate had a grand time and left with a big smile on his face. I couldn’t help but wonder whether the rest of them would later think about their choice not to participate and regret it. Would they have made a different choice had they known how they would feel afterwards?

What decisions are you contemplating right now? Are you basing that decision in your own values and dreams, and making a conscious choice of yes or no ?

After my last post which mentioned the terrified little girl on the cruise ship, I got an interesting email from my mother. She said, “I also remember that little girl and we did go back down the hall to try and remember which room they had gone into, but we didn’t hear anything. You are right. We should have butted into their business in the hallway….I think we all felt bad for the child, but no one knew what the right thing was to do….it’s always so much easier to say ‘I should have’.”

Thanks for sharing, Mom. I didn’t remember going back to look for the room. Now that you mention it, I do have a vague recollection of walking in the hallway listening for the girl’s cries. It was long ago enough that my memory is hazy.

On the other hand, what I do vividly remember from that cruise are the magic moments that were a stretch for me. The salsa class with Susan up on the big auditorium stage in front of hundreds. Going snorkeling with sting rays, and being startled me when they brushed up against my legs. Eating 3 different entrees from the buffet line. Oh, wait. That last one was a stretch for my tummy.

Anyway, the point is that it’s the moments in life when you are most connected with yourself that you remember witht clarity and detail. What does that mean? Well, I would suggest that the memories that stay memorable stay that way because you are acting out your values and dreams.  You are actually being all that you were meant to be. At those times you are most in alignment with who you are. And therefore, the memories stick like syrup to waffles.

Have you seen the movie, Crazy in Alabama? Somebody along the way recommended it to me and recently I watched it with my partner, Susan. The movie, which is set in a small Alabama town in 1965 at the height of the Civil Rights movement, alternates between eccentric comedy and serious drama. It tells two parallel stories. One of a free-spirited woman who kills her abusive husband and heads for Hollywood, where she’s convinced that television stardom awaits her. The other involves a group of black students protesting the town’s racially segregated municipal swimming pool, leading to a protest that explodes into deadly violence. As I watched, the title kept popping into my mind. I asked myself, “Who really is more absolutely, insanely crazy here?”

That got me to thinking about an incident I witnessed while on a cruise with my family a few years back. This is a sad story that continues to haunt me, and one that ultimately has inspired me to create compassionate relationships.

On the cruise ship a family passed me in the hallway all dressed up for an elegant dinner and heading away from the ballroom. A 5 or 6 year old girl kept saying over and over, “I’m sorry, Daddy. I won’t do it again.” Her father just responded sternly, “No, its too late.” The mother walked beside them in silence. The girl was obviously terrified. At the time it sent shivers down my spine. My assumption was that they were going back to their room so her father could give her a good whipping. I walked on embarrassed to be witnessing another family’s “private matters” and pretending that I didn’t see a thing in that way that our society has so effectively taught us.

Later, as I sat at dinner, I thought about what happened. Did her father not see the terror he was inflicting on his daughter? It didn’t matter to me what the little girl did. What mattered to me was the little girl. I deeply regretted not saying anything.

That memory continues to impact me today. I’ve thought about what would have happened had I said something. The father might have ignored me and moved on. He might have turned his wrath on me. Or, I could have made a significant difference in a little girl’s life.

Who in your life do you impact the most? Are you creating the kind of connection with them that you would most enjoy?